The Chicago White Sox fired their manager and three coaches. So naturally, I applied for the manager’s job. I sent them a tweet announcing my availability for the position, and who knows? I may get the call any day. I was totally honest with them: I can’t do any worse, and it will cost them less to hire me than they were paying the former guy.
@whitesox Need a new manager? Hire me. I can’t do any worse, and I’ll do it for a lot less money. 😀😀😀
— Larry (@LTM_Author) August 8, 2024
This is absolutely true. Under Pedro Grifol, the White Sox stumbled their way to a 21 game losing streak and an abysmal 28-89 record. This stunning achievement is good for not just dead last, but so far out of the running that legions of White Sox fans have sworn off the team. Pedro’s team is an astounding 40.5 games out of first place, and an incredible, almost unbelievable 28 games behind the next to last place Detroit Tigers. The Sox have only 45 games left this season. They stand a very good chance of never contending, ever again.
So listen guys - what could be worse? They could hire me and continue to lose. Or they could hire me and actually… wait for it… win some games. Stranger things have happened, even in real life.
I already know what I’ll tell the team in our first meeting. I’ll ask them to remember when they were kids in the back yard. Remember when you were pitching to your brother, or maybe even your sister, and pretending you were pitching in the bottom of the ninth inning in the seventh game of the World Series? You struck out Aaron Judge on three straight blazing fastballs to win the title. Remember how much fun it was? That’s what I’ll tell those guys, and they will suddenly regain the fire they had when they were kids.
Maybe we won’t win the World Series – that would be impossible considering the miserable state of the White Sox won/loss record right now. But at least the losing streak ends, the guys start playing better baseball, pride in the uniform returns, and the Chicago crowds actually start cheering for the Sox again.
It’s not so far-fetched, is it?
Come on, guys – let’s give this a try! Call me!
August 9 update: Nope, no call yet. I can be in Chicago tomorrow!
August 10 update: Unfortunately, the White Sox hired Grady Sizemore as interim manager. They could have saved the team a ton of money had they hired me instead! Bad move, Chicago!
August 28 update: The White Sox are even worse with Sizemore at the helm. The were 28-89, .239 percentage under Grifol. With Sizemore, they are 3-12, a dismal .200 percentage. At this rate, they are on pace to beat the 1962 Mets horrendous 40-120 (.239) record (on pace for 39-123). It's not too late to give me a call, guys.
September 22 update: 36-120, tying the MLB record for losses ('62 Mets). The Sox have 6 games left - excellent chance to break the record.
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Larry Manch is an author, teacher, guitar player, freelance writer, and columnist. He has written 24 books; available in paperback and e-book on Amazon.com.
Follow @LTM_Author
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