Good Guys With Guns

"When I go to a restaurant, I want to be sitting with friends who have guns on them," said Sammy.

"Why?"

"Because when the bad guys start shooting, I want to be near people who will defend me."

"Defend you by shooting the bad guys?" said Ellen.

"Yes."

"So," said Ellen, "when the shooting starts, your friends will jump up and start firing away?"

"That's the idea."

"So everyone else is caught in the crossfire."

"The good guys aren't going to shoot any of the innocent bystanders," said Sammy.

"How do you know that?"

"I just know."

"Because the so-called good guys are always perfect shots?"

"Yes, we are."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me?" said Sammy.

"Oh, sure, sure. So what happens when the cops show up?"

"Huh?"

"The cops. Sooner or later, if someone is shooting up a restaurant, the cops are going to show up. What happens then?"

"The cops arrest the bad guys."

"During or after the shooting?"

"After, of course."

"So you and your fellow good guys aren't going to kill the bad guys?"

"Hell no. We're not murderers."

"But just good enough to disarm the bad guys without killing them."

"Damn right."

"Amazing," said Ellen.

"It sure is," said Sammy.

"But what if, for some odd reason, the cops get there before you're finished taking out the bad guys?"

"Before?"

"Yeah, you know. What if the cops get there faster than you expected. Before the shooting is over?"

"Then the cops will join us in shooting at the bad guys."

"How will they know?"

"How will they know what?"

"How will they tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys?"

"Well," said Sammy. "They'll just know."

"But how?"

"They can always tell."

"How?" said Ellen. "How do they tell."

"Well just by the looks of us."

"By the looks of you."

"Well yeah. They're not stupid, you know?"

"The cops?"

"Yeah. They can always tell."

"Good guys with guns," said Ellen.

"You bet," said Sammy.

"I'm still not clear on just how they can tell. I mean, if there's shooting going on, it's probably pretty chaotic. I would think it would be difficult for a cop to automatically spot the bad guys out of a bunch of shooting people."

"Like I said, they can just tell."

"Isn't that convenient."

"The good guys are the responsible gun owners," said Sammy. "The cops know who we are."

"Of course."

"They know who we are, and they will only shoot the bad guys. That's the beauty of the whole thing."

"Right," said Ellen.

"Can't understand why everyone doesn't get that," said Sammy.

"Can't imagine," said Ellen.

Larry Manch is an author, teacher, guitar player, freelance writer, and columnist. His books include: 'Twisted Logic: 50 Edgy Flash Fiction Stories', 'The Toughest Hundred Dollars & Other Rock & Roll Stories', 'A Sports Junkie', 'The Avery Appointment', 'Between the Fuzzy Parts'. His books are available in paperback and e-book.

He also writes about sports for Season Tickets, food and travel on Miles & Meals, and music/guitars on The Backbeat.

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